Dave said it would be like this. I look at our finances and I think how the heck did we back into this mess again. Then, I answer, stupid sin. I am determined this time to get out and stay out at all cost. I am tired of budgeting. I am tired of scrapping the bottom. I am tired of all of it. Financial, we suck. Who the heck did we think we where? Why do we need so much crap? Once I get out of debt, I am going to go on a trip to the mountains and just breathe.
Rough night at the Depot for me. I made a mistake by hitting the wrong button on the telezon and deleting all the scans I had made in 1:30 hours. So I had to go back and complete them. It made me so stressed and mad that It took me so many times to go back and fix what I had messed up. I am still not sure that it is all right.
I need to be in bed right now. I didn't get up until late today. I was tired. Here we are again at 11:30 almost awake. I would be all paniced out if I went to bed right now. My anxiety is kicked in. I am about to go do some yoga to relax. I love yoga. It is an excape.
I know that I sould pretty frustrated right now. I know that it will all work out. Even in my sinful state, God still loves me. Thank God for that. I don't love myself very much right now. sigh. I am hating myself for allowing my finiances to get in this mess. At least I have figured out why I can't say no to Eric. The bottom line is I dont' want him to get mad at me. I don't want him to be frustrated. I don't want him to do without anything. Boy, Dr. Phil would be all over this. I am trying to change this and let him get mad about money.
He filled out our taxes tonight. We will actually be getting something back this time. Pretty amazing. It is more than what we used to get back. Hopefully this will help us start our emergency fund and catch up some things.
I feel wrong for even asking God to help me get out of this mess. I feel bad for even turning to him. I know that he is there, but I am just ashamed.
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